Growing up is tough

I came to sort of a realization today - I am a grown up.  I am not 12 years old anymore... I have a husband, a mortgage, my own paid off car, a job, a college degree, my own health insurance, I like wine and most of all I am going to be a MOM in a little over 3 months.  I am sure some people are thinking how did I not realize that I was an adult, and some people are wondering how that makes me grown up.

There have been some moments in the past few days that have made me realize this.  The first moment was Christmas Day when it wasn't about presents or the usual build up and anticipation, but truly being happy to get up at 8 and sit with R all day.  I could have cared less what was under the tree, I was just happy to have a day off with him.  Another sort of realization is that I want to stay home with Owen.  Not forever and not full time, but the thought of going back to work seems nuts.  I don't know what I am going to do but R and I talked and laid out some options for me that involve FINALLY starting my masters and working towards getting a dream job while being able to take care of him most of the day.  I never in a million years thought that I would want to stay at home, but he isn't even here yet and I can't imagine leaving him.  And it involves sacrifice and planning and budgeting... grown up stuff :)

Also, it just seems like more things that I do or say I watch myself or ask myself how I want Owen to see me.  As catty and mean?  As spineless or weak?  I have been making decisions the last 4 or 5 months with these thoughts in my head regarding my job, our house and location, friends and other things.  And I think this is a big part of being an adult.  I want to be someone that my son can look up to, appreciate and understand.  I want my actions to speak loudly, and the fact that I can sacrifice or I go for the things that I want will speak loud and clear to him.  I don't care if I am the coolest person, trendy, or whatever.  I just feel like now I would rather put $200 in savings for college than splurge on a new Coach bag.  

It feels weird to think about being a grown up.  But knowing I have the responsibility of shaping this little persons life and making him a decent and productive member of society is overwhelming.  And if kids learn from their parents, I really don't want to add another idiot to society.

"Sometimes the laughter in mothering is the recognition of the ironies and absurdities.  Sometimes, though, it's just pure, unthinking delight."

- Barbara Schapiro

25 weeks...

How far along? 25 weeks, 2 days

Total weight gain/loss:  Up fifteen pounds from pre-pregnancy weight
Maternity clothes? Yes, definitely
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Good

Best moment this week:  Starting to paint the nursery
Movement: Yes, everyday and sometimes it is painful when he is moving around.
Food cravings: None
Gender: BOY!!
Labor Signs: No, thank God.

Belly Button in or out? Still in
What I miss: Chardonnay  

What I am looking forward to:  Finishing up the painting in the nursery
Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy every moment

Milestones: Hitting viability

Belly pictures below, I am definitely getting bigger and there is no more Is she fat or pregnant? looks. 

I seem to have hit a period of I can't stop eating and everything sounds good.  I am also suffering from holiday food being thrown at me at work/home/parties and the fact that I am tired and don't feel like cooking so we order our or scrounge up easy dinner like spaghetti with butter and cheese or nuggets and mac and cheese.  Not healthy:(  Oh, well may as well enjoy it while I can.

Merry Christmas!

This Christmas has been so nice and exactly what I hoped we would have as our last Christmas just the two of us.  Yesterday I had coffee with Meredith in the morning, roasted a turkey all afternoon and we had a big dinner before getting in pajamas and watching movies.  We got up early this morning and made a huge breakfast of pancakes, waffles, sausage, orange juice, coffee (for R), cinnamon rolls and oranges and put on our Charlie Brown Christmas CD before opening our gifts.  R got me this lovely Vera Bradley diaper bag (which he chose on his own, so I say not bad buddy.  LOVE the design and color and he knew I wanted Vera Bradley). 

I also got my new camera!!  I am so excited to finally have a nice, new digital camera that does more than point and shoot and take blurry awful pictures.  It is a Fuji Finepix, 10 megapixels and what sold R on it was that it has a baby mode.  You turn the button on the mode and it automatically adjusts the flash and enhances skin tone.  It is awesome and I have been using it on the poor dogs all day and everything else I could find:

Frank and his new Kong Wubba toy:

Izzy looking adorable:

R reading my manual to my camera and trying to tell me what to do:

And our tree in all it's lit glory, not looking like crap like the last photo:

My mom has offered to buy us a new tree skirt so I am getting the one we like from Pottery Barn now that it is 50% off.  We can get rid of this horrible felt miniature one :)  

We spent the morning playing with all of our new gifts and went to the 1:30 show of Marley and Me with our friends Ryan and Meredith.  Do NOT go to this movie unless you are armed with tissues.  It was good but so sad!  I came home and hugged my dogs extra tight.  We just hung out the rest of the evening and unfortunately we both have to work tomorrow.  Hopefully we should both be out before 12 and can enjoy the weekend.  We are getting some paint and working on the nursery (we are keeping the crib, btw).  I can't believe this time next year we should have an 8 month old crawling around pulling stuff off the tree and getting in to everything.  I can't wait!

I hope everyone had as wonderful a Christmas (or whichever holiday you choose to celebrate) as we have had this year.  

The Crib is Up

We got in our crib on Sunday and my brother and R dragged it upstairs to make sure the colors match to the dresser - and they do perfectly.  The one thing that I didn't realize was that it was a drop side crib.  It didn't say it on any website and then I found out on a review on some website.  I wasn't too happy about it, but I figured maybe it would look good anyway.  My dad got a call from BRU up home that the original crib we liked came in and could be ordered, so he called me today to let me know because he had to go order it ASAP if we wanted it.  So I asked R to put together the crib tonight so we could get a look at it.  

Here is R putting it together:

And Izzy supervising:
The finished product:
And how it looks with our bedding (minus any mattress or decorations):

I can't decide if I like it or not.  The back and sides are awesome and I like that it is a little different, but there are these tracks on the side for the drop down side and I just don't like how it looks on the crib.  If you really look at the pictures you can see the lighter brown tracks on the side and a little plate saying PUSH on the bottom where you lean to drop it down.  Maybe once there is a mattress and bedding and the room is done I won't notice it as much, but I have to make up my mind in the next day or so because I have to let me dad know whether or not to order our other choice.

The dresser is damaged, but I like the style and the colors are perfect.  I already talked to the company we ordered it from and they are sending out a replacement for it ASAP and sending me information so I can schedule a pickup from FedEx.  Although I am irritated that it was damaged, I am happy with the customer service I am getting and that they are sending me another one so soon.  I just need to figure out this crib issue.  If anyone has a drop side crib, can you let me know if it's worth it?  Those with standard cribs, do you wish you had a drop side?  I can't really see the reason or appeal.  R loves it, though and I would hate for him to have spent an hour putting it together only to have to take it down again tomorrow.  Oh well, I made him brownies as a treat, so I am off to eat one with some ice cream :)

That was traumatic

I was getting ready to get in the shower so I got undressed and noticed my bra felt weird when I put it in the drawer.  I didn't really think anything of it and hopped in the shower.  I got out and with my family still being here went to put a bra back on under my shirt (those things are out of control now - from a 34B to a 36D).  I took out my bra, and as I went to put it on noticed HUGE wet spots inside of them.  I alternated between wanting to throw up and crying.  I threw on a clean bra and pjs, ran downstairs and grabbed R away from my family whispering to him he needed to go buy me some nursing pads ASAP.  I don't really think R understood what I was talking about or why I was freaking out, but he put on a coat and said he had to go get some more trash bags and left.  Then I get a call from him at Food Lion wanting to know what he was supposed to find and where they were.  I don't know why, but this freaks me out and I have been dreading this moment.  Something about fluid leaking from my breasts makes me uncomfortable.

I had a check up on Friday and all is good.  Owen is measuring perfect, my cervix is closed and tight, and he is kicking away.  The only thing is my weight.  I asked my dr. how my weight gain looked and she said overall it looks great (up about 15 pounds from pre-pregnancy weight at 24 weeks even), but I have gained a lot in the past couple of weeks.  It's the holidays!  I like to eat, and we are going out often with family, cooking big meals and people are bringing stuff to work.  R and I made a deal that after New Years it is time to buckle down a little and go to the gym or go for walks.  I need to find a maternity swimsuit so I can do laps twice a week and R agreed that I can do the prenatal yoga offered through the hospital.  I haven't really exercised since finding out we were pregnant, so I guess it's catching up to me now :)

I hate the fact I have turned into that pregnant woman.  I used to read girls complaining about pregnancy side effects, weight gain, etc. and get so mad.  I would gladly gain 100 pounds and deal with every side effect possible if I could just have a successful pregnancy.   I can lose weight, deal with bad skin and nausea if it meant I could hold my child.  Here I am pregnant and growing a healthy one inside of me and I am so concerned with my weight, angry at my body acne and it makes me sick.  I just want to be happy and enjoy each moment, worry about the side effects when I bring him home.  I am pregnant now and thankful, and being with my family and knowing the great support I have has made me so excited to get to bring him home to such great surroundings. 

I am exhausted

Christmas is fun, but trying to do everything for it while pregnant is not.  I just baked 9 dozen sugar cookies to give out at work plus 2 dozen oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for Ron and I to eat.  I have officially retired from wearing heels as of today- my feet and ankles are getting more swollen by the end of each day.  I have finished all of my Christmas shopping, written out 48 cards, put up decorations, planned a menu for our holiday dinners and breakfast, ordered our ham, helped clean the house, done 8 loads of laundry over the past 5 days.  I just want to sit and do nothing. 

I have been feeling these weird sensations in my crotch and butt area, almost like Owen is standing straight up and down kicking me.  It has happened over the past week and a half or so, but today it was harder and lasted longer than usual.  I called my OB just to see if maybe this was cervix kicks and the nurse I spoke to had no idea what I was talking about and bumped my appointment from Tuesday to tomorrow.  I don't really want to go, especially because it only lasts a few minutes and it isn't every day.  I have not had bleeding, cramping, discharge or leaking fluid, no contractions, nothing.  I feel him move 75% of the day and he is definitely getting bigger because those kicks are getting stronger.  So I am thinking it is either the beginning of cervix kicks or as my friend at work pointed out, he is getting bigger and taking up more room so maybe I am just feeling him in different places.  Plus I am carrying low so that could be a part of it.  I just hate that I can't seem to make it the full time between appointments without calling about something and them bringing me in.  I guess they have to cover themselves and make me feel better.   I will see how I feel tomorrow and decide if I want to go or not, but I haven't felt it since 3 this afternoon and I found his heartbeat in the usual spot with the doppler tonight.  

Tomorrow is viability day - 24 weeks.  This was one of our milestones.  First was see something in my uterus, second was see a heartbeat, third was make it to the second trimester, fourth was make it to the big ultrasound and fifth was hit 24 weeks.  My next milestones are make it to third trimester, 30 weeks and 37 weeks.  Honestly, every day that passes that he is in there kicking away and healthy and moving is a milestone.  And after tomorrow, every day that he stays in there is just icing on the cake.  Another chance for him to grow and get bigger and stronger.  

Well, family is in tomorrow night and we have a fun weekend ahead of us.  Tons of eating out, the Nutcracker, gift exchange and a big Christmas meal.  I can't wait for next week to get some time off and actually just sit and relax.  All I have to do is wrap R's gifts on Christmas Eve and have coffee with Mere if she hasn't gone in to labor yet.  And after New Years we have nothing planned for 3 weekends in a row.  Glorious!  We are going to paint the nursery and start setting up.  The dresser arrived yesterday ( we haven't even opened the box, it weighed 120 pounds so R is waiting for my dad and brother to get here tomorrow to help him get it up the stairs), and the crib will be here this weekend or early next week.  We still need to order our glider and wall words, but the big stuff is here.  I can't wait to see the room come together.  I will update with some pictures as I go.

First stranger comment

Today was not a good day.  I didn't get the internal job I applied for, I forgot to pack half my lunch, and I was basically told that I was fat.  I went to WalMart on the way home from work to pick up a couple things and ran through the express line.  The cashier asked me when I was due and when I replied April 10th, she said "April?  You're HUGE!! Are you sure it isn't twins?"  Um, yes pretty sure.  So then I feel like I have to explain myself and say I only have about 16 weeks left, and it's less than 4 months.  She tells me about her SIL who gained 80 pounds and couldn't stand up straight.  

I almost cried I felt so huge and fat.  And the worst part is that I felt good about how cute I looked all day.  Yesterday I had to change because my pants were too tight and my sweater made me look like a stuffed sausage, but today I felt like I looked great.  And I was complimented on my jacket (thanks Callie!) and shoes by quite a few people.  Stupid cashier.  I decided to take pictures when I got home just to see how fat I really look.  Here they are:

Just the belly:

Full body shot (please don't mind the face and bad hair):

Maybe it is just me, but I don't think I look half bad for almost 6 months pregnant.  I don't know,  just add that to my crappy day.  It wouldn't be complete without someone making me feel bad.

Update on Nothing

This year has been so nuts and so busy, every weekend is packed full of plans.  Like yesterday was coffee with a good friend, lunch, grocery shopping, finish Christmas shopping, help R clean (it took him 6 hours to scrub our entire house top to bottom), Christmas party.  Today we are getting ready to leave for Charlotte to go to a Panthers game.  R is a die hard Broncos fan and has been since he was little, but has never seen them play.  Anniversary gift from the best wife ever = football tickets :)  And I am NOT a football fan, or a sitting outside in the cold with 70,000 other people yelling kind of person.  Should be interesting.  Not to mention that it is a 3 hour drive down game is at 4 and we won't get home until after 10 so the whole day is gone.  AND, when I bought the tickets it was scheduled for 1 pm and they changed the game time.  Lame.

Family is coming down this weekend to hang out with us for Christmas and I am so excited.  I ordered a Honey Baked Ham, and have a menu planned out, we are going to see the Nutcracker.  Then they leave on Tuesday and R and I have our first Christmas in our house and our last one that will be just the two of us.  It should be a nice relaxing day.  I am trying to convince him to go see the Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but he won't relent.  Maybe Marley and Me instead?  

I talked to my SIL yesterday and found out that she and my other SIL are on the ball with my shower.  My MIL likes to call every day/every other day and ask when the shower is, where it is, what's happening, why don't I know anything and then call my mom to tell her I don't tell her anything.  And I don't know anything because I am not planning it or in charge.  My SIL's in Arizona and Virginia are taking care of it and I don't need to know anything other than where to show up and what time.  I am just appreciative that they are doing this for me.  No wonder my BP has been high lately, jeez.  Anyway, my SIL had joked that we could have my shower at Bugaboo Creek steakhouse because I have an unhealthy obsession with the cheese and spinach dip, crusty bread and snowbird chicken salad.  Well, when we were home for Thanksgiving we went for dinner and found out they do host events, so I joked with her that they could have it there and it turns out they are calling and trying to see what it takes.  I love the two of them :)

Next appointment is on the 23rd and is just a routine check-up.  I will schedule my glucose test and 28 week ultrasound at this appointment and be on my way.  I hit viability on Friday, and every day that we get closer I feel better - like I can breathe a little bit more.  I feel him everyday, some days more than others, but he is definitely in there.  And I am getting bigger and bigger it feels like.  It doesn't help that I eat everything in sight :)

Ok, we are off to the game.  Wish me luck - I am bundled up to high heaven and have a pack of tissues shoved up my sleeve.  Go Broncos!

Ordered our furniture

We finally decided on nursery furniture after changing our minds several times, and I went ahead and purchased before R could change his mind again.  The only issue is that we are buying before seeing in person.  We both really liked the style and color, it was a little different and the brand (Bassettbaby) gets good ratings.  We figured if we didn't like it we had enough time to send back and get our original pick from BRU.  

Here is the crib that we picked:

And the corresponding dresser that we are putting a changing pad on for multi-use :)

We have also picked a glider and ottoman that is made by Storkcraft.  We haven't ordered that yet, we most likely will after the New Year starts and get some progress going in the nursery.   Everything will be in before Christmas and we will have my brother and father here to help get it out of the box and assemble to make sure we like it in case it needs to go back.  Fingers crossed it looks good!

The dogs get in on the fun

Well, the dogs officially hate me.  Every Christmas I break out the antlers and strap them on their heads and I get the death stare from Izzy and Frank refuses to move an inch... hence why I had to hold him and point him at the camera.  Pay no attention to me looking awful.  

Here is Frank looking cute as usual-

Here is Izzy with her death glare and Frank getting in the shot as usual.

Here is the first shot - you can see Frank coming over to investigate what is on her head and what's going on.

If I wasn't holding Izzy back she would be running right for the ottoman to slam her head into and try to force those antlers off her head.  Ah, loads of fun in our house tonight...

Christmas time!

It is starting to feel like Christmas around here!  We have started to get some decorations up around the house and we bought our tree this morning.  This is the first year after 6 years living together that we have bought a real tree and it smells like Christmas in our house.  We decorated the tree and realized we still had our fake tree, so we decorated that one and put on the ledge over our closet.  We still have some little things to get up and stuff to take out of storage, but it's coming together.  Here are some horrible photos from my crappy camera (R has promised to get me a new, nice Canon or Nikon for Christmas.  I am not taking pictures of our child on this piece of junk)

Out front, R put up some lights around the porch, we have a new Christmas wreath and poinsettias by the door.

Our tree on our closet ledge.  We need to put something else up there with it, but for now it looks pretty neat.

Our dining room table set up with a new centerpiece, red chargers and different table runner

A really, really bad picture of our tree.  It is so pretty and looks so nice and I think my flash ruined this picture.  We still have to figure out what to do with our chair and get a new tree skirt.

We actually have a fireplace to hang our stockings for the first time!  Dog stockings on the end and ours in the middle.  Some berry and candles behind it and our pretty stocking holders.  I actually was able to find another one for Owen to have next year that matches ours.

There are some small touches still to come like our candles, Christmas plates and towels, throw pillow, etc... but at least it is starting to feel Christmas-y.  And maybe on Christmas morning I will use my new camera to take some better photos that accurately portray what a nice job R has done around the house and with the lights and tree.

22 Weeks!

How far along? 22 weeks, 1 day

Total weight gain/loss:  Up ten pounds from pre-pregnancy weight
Maternity clothes? Yes for pants, can still wear long sweaters and shirts from pre-pregnancy.  They work better than maternity stuff
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: As good as it can be, I guess

Best moment this week:  People noticing I have popped
Movement: Yes, everyday and I think he is getting stronger because I can really feel those kicks :)  
Food cravings: None
Gender: BOY!!
Labor Signs: No, thank God.

Belly Button in or out? Still in
What I miss: Not having to pee ALL THE TIME 

What I am looking forward to:  Starting to paint the nursery
Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy every moment

Milestones: R feeling him kick from the outside and a good appointment

I am officially HUGE.  Proof is below. 

I still am not up too much, only 10 pounds at 22 weeks.  I did eat a lot while home and at Thanksgiving, and I have kind of given in to eating what I want.  Not in excess, but before I wouldn't eat ice cream every night, now I may have one scoop of chocolate every other night.  I have major problems losing weight so I am trying really hard to not gain an exorbitant amount.  At least I am finally looking pregnant and not just chunky :)

OB appointment today

I had my routine OB appointment this morning and all is well.  I am up 10 pounds total from pre-pregnancy weight and I guess that is ok for almost 22 weeks.   I LOVED the nurse practitioner I saw this morning.  I always write out a list of questions for whoever I am seeing and sometimes I forget or sometimes I feel rushed, but she made me get out my list and go over every single questions I had and made sure I understood everything.  I have had so much leaking and discharge, which I know is normal but was unsure how I could tell if it was amniotic fluid and she did a check on me while I was there to confirm it is not amniotic fluid and my cervix is still closed and looks great.  We talked about the aches and pains I have, round ligament pain, movement questions, Braxton Hicks questions and I feel so much better now.

I feel Owen move every day, sometimes more than others but still every day which she said is great.  We had a long discussion about all of my anxiety and she made me feel less like a nut.  I don't know what it is.... I was nervous the first trimester, then started to feel good and didn't overreact when we saw the spot or had the Level 2 ultrasound.  Actually, the ultrasound made me feel a little more comfortable because a specialist was telling us all was perfect.  But once we hit about 20 weeks I just got terrified - that we are so close to viability and I keep thinking if something happens now I don't know what I would do.  I love being pregnant and feeling him move, thinking about the nursery and all we need to get done, watching myself get huge and finally looking pregnant and not chunky.  But at the same time it just doesn't feel real and it doesn't feel like it is going to happen.  I don't know, I feel better though.

I go back in 3 weeks for a routine check up and then 3 weeks after that is my glucose test and ultrasound to check my placenta.  I can't believe it's only 6 weeks to 28 weeks and then I start going every 2 weeks.  This is going by so fast and yet so slow at the same time.

"It's not that optimism solves all of life's problems; it is just that it can sometimes make the difference between coping and collapsing."

-LUCY MACDONALD